So this is the blog of an uncertain travel I am about to embark on. For years I have struggled with Mental Illness and understanding what is going on with my mind. Recently symptoms and nervous habits were getting worse and the discovery of hallucinations became a terrifying factor on the road i am about to travel...
The road I mean is the one that leads to recovery. I am a very headstrong person who thinks it is a weakness to talk about anything wrong, especially when my mind seems to consider it being seen as a burden placed on someone. I have always suffered from depression and extreme cases of paranoia and anxiety. i.e. someone hurting me or the constant fear I might do something stupid in front of someone. The condition of my mind deteriorated at an alarming rate with the illness and death of my grandparents who were both stricken with cancer. I became angry easily and became violent to myself (cutting and a almost sucessful suicide attempt). It was destroying my relationship with my mom as she didnt really understand my actions, she has worked with mentally ill for years but wen it is your own family that's when the line from this is your job to, wow this is here and now sets in. Denial on my part was huge, No one wants to admit they are losing control. It's very terrifying and a hard pill to swallow.
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